i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
