I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
