She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have already put on my inside pants.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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