I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize