speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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