Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
