I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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