I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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