there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
