So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize