Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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