Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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