and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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