Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
