billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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