So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
