literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
