There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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