Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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