i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
