Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize