was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
