the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Is it because I queefed?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
