You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
