before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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