did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
