Fine. I'll sleep in my office
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
