shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
