you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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