All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
