I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
