What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
how does that bad decision feel?
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