There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
