I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
