Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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