But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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