I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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