hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
