i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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