I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
