Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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