If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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