I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
