hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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