I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize