They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
