She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
