"it" just moved
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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