So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I wear drunk well.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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