Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
