i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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