The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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