I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
