theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize