You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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