If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
