Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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