Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
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