It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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