You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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