I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
