Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
