I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
