Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
