Nicole vs. Life
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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