You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think I just sharted jello shots
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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