Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
