Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
